About two to three years ago, I left the only church I had ever called home. I had been part of that church family for nearly a decade—nine going on ten years. Since then, I’ve wandered from one place to another feeling like I left my family behind. Missing them every step of the way.

I’ve visited a diverse mega church with both black and white congregants, attended all-white Catholic Masses, sat in on all-black Baptist services, worshipped with Jehovah’s Witnesses, prayed with the Methodist, and even joined online services.

And yet, I still find myself struggling with “church.”

I’m not searching for another club or clique. I’m not interested in the politics or popularity. I just want Jesus. The Jesus I read about in Scripture—full of grace and truth, powerful in word and deed, compassionate to the broken, bold in truth, and intimate with the Father. But often, that Jesus is not always present in the church building… or in the people who claim to follow Him, including me.

I’ll admit—much of my wandering has to do with my own heart posture. Pride. Arrogance. Hurt. Disappointment. Things God is still working out in me.

But in the middle of it all, God has spoken to me—clearly—on several separate occasions about what I was missing when I detached from the local church.

Just yesterday, I visited The Sanctuary of God, an Assemblies of God church. I enjoyed everything about my experience especially the pastor’s teachings from Acts 1, focusing on many truths:

1. Our promise is the power of the Holy Spirit (Acts 1:8).

2. Our purpose is to be witnesses of Jesus.

3. The process is the ongoing work of the Spirit in and through us.

Later that day, I attended a wedding. As the couple exchanged vows, the minister said, “Now, by the power of the Holy Spirit, you are witnesses for the glory of God.” It echoed what I had just heard earlier that morning. I knew God was still speaking.

Then, before bed, I watched the powerful and Spirit filled Facebook Live sermon from First Baptist Church Bunkie. The pastor preached from the exact same passage—Acts 1. He emphasized that we cannot be effective witnesses—individually or as a church—without the power of the Holy Spirit.

Someone recently asked me, “How do you know when God is speaking to you?”

My answer was simple but true:

God is always speaking—but we must be in tune with Him to hear. We hear God when we spend time with Him, when we study His Word and grow familiar with His heart.

Jesus said,

“My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me.” (John 10:27, ESV)

When we know His Word, we begin to recognize His character and can discern when something aligns—or doesn’t—with who He is.

As I’ve said before: I want Jesus.And the Jesus I know is not passive or cold. He is powerful and loving. He transforms hearts, heals wounds, binds the broken, and gives life abundantly.

But here’s the tension I can’t shake:

There are 15 to 20 churches within a five-mile radius of Bunkie—a town of only 3,300 people—yet we aren’t experiencing the transforming presence of Christ in our community like we should. We are divided by tradition, routine, race, and even religion, mostly on Sundays.

Why are pastors still having to plead for attendance, for discipleship, for people to witness? Why are we not one—when we claim to follow the One who gave His life for us?

Scripture tells us:

“They (the lost)will know you are My disciples by the love you have for one another.” (John 13:35, NLT) But do they?

So I say this in love to myself and to you:

Stop trying to fit Jesus into your mold. He won’t fit.

He is the King of Kings, not a mascot for our preferences.

He is not made in our image—we are made in His.

Let Jesus be who He is. Let the Holy Spirit do His work. Let the Church be the Church.