Yesterday, I realized that I had fallen victim to the illusion that healing is a process of continuous growth, free from pain. Oh, how I wish that were the case—but in reality, it is far from the truth.

As I reflected on my life over the past few years, I found myself saying, I haven’t had a decent period of calm and peace in a long time. My life has been a series of extreme highs—mountaintop experiences that have come with exciting yet sometimes overwhelming responsibilities and growth—and deep valleys filled with pain. I found myself caught between gratitude and frustration, torn between thanking God and questioning why peace seemed so fleeting.

When I brought these thoughts and feelings to God, I heard these words in my spirit: Anything that requires healing first requires pain and breaking. The more I meditated on that statement, the more I saw how it connected to my journey.

I have been on a path of healing for quite some time. However, since 2022—when I began counseling and intentionally seeking God to refine me and renew my thinking—the pain and difficulties have intensified. I have faced some of the most challenging experiences of my life. I have had to set boundaries with people I deeply love. I have had to remove certain relationships and situations from my life. I have had to break, to be vulnerable—even when I had spent years doing my best to remain guarded and strong.

Healing is not the absence of breaking; it is often the result of it. Healing is not the opposite of crushing—it is born from it. What matters most is what we choose to do in the crushing. It is whether or not we turn to the Healer to restore us that makes the greatest difference.

Isaiah 53 gives us the perfect example in Jesus Christ—teaching us that purpose is often fulfilled through suffering. Who am I, who are we, to think we should avoid suffering?

“But it was the Lord’s good plan to crush him and cause him grief. Yet when his life is made an offering for sin, he will have many descendants. He will enjoy a long life, and the Lord’s good plan will prosper in his hands. When he sees all that is accomplished by his anguish, he will be satisfied. And because of his experience, my righteous servant will make it possible for many to be counted righteous, for he will bear all their sins.” —Isaiah 53:10-11 (NLT)

This is why Paul urges us to count it all joy when we face trials of many kinds—because those trials produce in us what only anguish can.

My prayer for both you and me on this journey of healing is that we would be fortunate enough to be surrounded by a village of people who cover us in prayer and love. And above all, that we would have the courage and discipline to seek God—even when we don’t feel like it.