Most of my life, I have struggled with needing or wanting the approval of others. As I reflect, I am positive that this was not the case by chance. I grew up poorly, I’m sure like most of you. At the age of thirteen my mother signed over her legal custody of me to a distant relative. I lived with him and his family for roughly three and half years until I began to live with fiends. I always found myself in a position of having to adapt and conform to my environment, which some how was easy. Being able to make friends or blend in was never really hard, because I had no identity. I identified with whomever or wherever.   

As a result, I had no idea who Michelle was. I did not know what I liked or disliked nor the morals and values I felt were important. I did not have a moral compass leading me in the right direction. I simply followed the crowd and was often lead to destructive paths. My behavior on these paths were extreme. I mean the baddest of the bunch was the coolest, right? So I attempted to out do everyone in any group, in hopes of being approved. However, even when I began to mature and came to terms with the fact that I needed Christ as my moral guide I still did not feel or believe that I had a unique identity.  I still had this underlying need to impress people or have the acceptance of others. 

I began to serve in the church, and though I wanted to believe and wanted others to believe, that I all I was doing was to point people to Christ, the fact is I was not. A part of me wanted the glory. I realized that administration, organization, and other gifts that can be seen as resourceful for success came natural to me. I used them to complete several different mission projects and found myself enjoying the thanks and and acts of gratitude. As I stepped into leadership, I began to hide in my heart the pleasure I received from others who knew I was apart of helping someone grow or come to Christ. I held all these things hidden in my heart, never realizing that I was not serving God to honor Him. I was serving Him to please people. 

When the realization came that I was distracted from my calling because of this need to please others or compare myself to others, I began asking God’s help in dealing with these feelings and thoughts. I also started to create bandaids for the issue like staying away from all social media. I was trying to have quick fixes rather than allowing God to fully transform my heart. The truth is I had the head knowledge but it had’t become heart knowledge.  I was having and doing instead of being.  So, no matter how hard I tried I still found myself seeking approval. The true nature of the problem was that I hadn’t fully believed or accepted that when I gave my life to Christ, I was now identified and accepted by Christ, which should have been validation enough. 

It was not until I was reading and studying Gods word in Hebrews 11 that the realization came that I needed to make a change. I  read verse six that says; It is impossible to please God with out faith. Anyone who wants to come to him must believe that God exists and that he rewards those who sincerely seeks him. From this verse I learned two things:

1. If I am going to believe that God exists then I can not accept some of his words and not others such as I am made in HIs image.

2. That I have to be deliberate and intentional in seeking Gods wisdom. If I want an understanding of his truth I must sincerely seek it and he will reward me for doing so. 

I needed an understanding of my identity, so I decided to look in the index of my bible and search for identify and learned some powerful truth (listed below). 

What does being identified by Christ look like?

Matthew 7:15-20 A Tree is Recognized by its Fruits

1. False prophets speak what people want to hear versus calling people to live God’s word. Regardless of my need or want to please people it should never compromise me telling or living God’s truth.
2. My words must conform to Gods word.
3. My predictions must come true because they come from God.
4. My actions must match God’s word.
5. Must be discerning. 

Matthew 12:33-37

1. Whatever is in your heart determines what you will say and do.
2. A good person produces good things from the treasury of a good heart.

Luke 6:43-45

1. What I take in and treasure determines what will emerge in my life.

My prayer is that as you read this and identify in anyway you will seek God sincerely in an understanding of applying His word in your life. Please know that you are made in Gods image. Your life should reflect that truth. Don’t let the enemy or yourself tell you anything different. Be rooted in the Father and produce fruit as a result. Read God’s word, meditate on it and hide it in your heart. The truth will replace the lies. I love you and God does too.

Sincerely,

Michelle Reynolds 

Resources 

Read Overcoming the Dark Side of Leadership Gary L. Mclntosh and Samuel D. Rima